F4S4N

Although I should be learning right now, I am currently working on a project which I aborted in fall '07: My german Noir-fanfiction "In Memento Mori" (for those who don't know what Noir is: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noir_%28… ).
A good friend of mine, Fabiola, mentioned the fanfic in an email two days ago and said that she'd love to see it finished someday. That's why I watched two episodes today, listened to the fantastic soundtrack all day long - and came to realize: I hate unfinished business!

And because I want to do it right I also talked to a fellow artist (which used to love my fanfic back then) and asked her to do some artworks for me as well (gladly, she agreed, thanks a lot, Jenny!).
You can find her profile here: mireille29.deviantart.com/
She loves Noir as much as I do - and I am very certain that she will do a fantastic job!

Wow. It's been nearly one year since my last journal entry, no kidding! Only 8 days left!
Funny thing is: I am still reading the same book, didn't finish it... My oh my, university really IS killing my private life -.-' At least the music I am listening to right now has changed.

So, what has kept me away from deviantART? The first clinical year in my studies, for example, which was quite interesting, but consumed a lot of time (8:00-18:00 every day is very tiring). But it gave me first impressions about how a doctor's working life really looks like and it was waaaaaay more interesting than the preclinical stuff; and then there was the breakup with my ex-girlfriend (no, sadly she couldn't appreciate the poem, BeautifulExperience - it was still for the better I think).
And maybe I was just not having any interest in keeping up with the pile of artworks waiting for me in the message-folder. And I am still trying to get around this inevitable task... Maybe next week xDD

The good news is that I started writing again, although I am not too happy with the newest approach to a story of mine. But we'll see ^.^

Well, it's been a while since I last updated my profile. There are several reasons, for example my laziness or the first big exam on my way of becoming a (good? *g*) doctor this summer. I had to learn a lot and I was quite busy.
After passing (*yay!*) my exam and enjoying some real time off for about a month now, the second and more clinical part of my studies started last week. So I thought it's time to update this page as well. First of all, I got a new deviantID and - more important! - started to write a new story with own characters. Sadly, I won't have much time 'cause my studies will keep me busy enough, though. Still, I got some pretty good ideas, so I'll try to do both studies and writing/enjoying my spare time.

Well, I didn't do a lot during the last few weeks within the DA-community or elsewhere in the internet, as I have my exam on Tuesday (gosh, I'm going towards an epic fail... -.-). I am sorry about that and I promise to get a few things done as soon as it's all over (aww, that sounds not very optimistic, doesn't it? ).
Still, I got the time to listen to some nice music and the song which really impressed me was Pashendale from Iron Maiden. I didn't know the song so far and the lyrics are very powerful. It reminded me of the movie "all quiet on the western front" (Im Westen nichts Neues) somehow.
After my exam, I think I'll write something inspired by Maiden's song... It won't let go of me otherwise .


Iron Maiden - Pashendale

In a foreign field he lay
lonely soldier unknown grave
on his dying words he prays
tell the world of Paschendale

Relive all that he's been through
last communion of his soul
rust your bullets with his tears
let me tell you 'bout his years

Laying low in a blood filled trench
killing time 'til my very own death
on my face I can feel the falling rain
never see my friends again
in the smoke in the mud and lead
the smell of fear and the feeling of dread
soon be time to go over the wall
rapid fire and the end of us all

Whistles, shouts and more gun-fire
lifeless bodies hang on barbed wire
battlefield nothing but a bloody tomb
be reunited with my dead friends soon
many soldiers eighteen years
drowned in mud, no more tears
surely a war no one can win
killing time about to begin

Home, far away. From the war, a chance to live again
Home, far away. But the war, no chance to live again

The bodies of ours and our foes
the sea of death it overflows
in no-man's land God only knows
into jaws of death we go...

Crucified as if on a cross
allied troops, they mourn their loss
German war propaganda machine
such before has never been seen
swear I heard the angels cry
pray to God no more may die
so that people know the truth
tell the tale of Paschendale

Cruelty has a human heart
every man does play his part
terror of the men we kill
the human heart is hungry still

I stand my ground for the very last time
gun is ready as I stand in line
nervous wait for the whistle to blow
rush of blood and over we go...

Blood is falling like the rain
its crimson cloak unveils again
the sound of guns can't hide their shame
and so we die in Paschendale

Dodging shrapnel and barbed wire
running straight at canon fire
running blind as I hold my breath
say a prayer symphony of death
as we charge the enemy lines
a burst of fire and we go down
I choke I cry but no one hears
feel the blood go down my throat

Home, far away. From the war, a chance to live again
Home, far away. But the war, no chance to live again
Home, far away. From the war, a chance to live again
Home, far away. But the war, no chance to live again

See my spirit on the wind
across the lines beyond the hill
friend and foe will meet again
those who died at Paschendale

Well, this won't be a real journal-entry. I just wanted to present a song, which really made me think about (my) life lately: Linkin Park's Leave out all the Rest.
[This is a linked music video on youtube for those who don't know the song or those who want to listen to it once again: www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-9FZb… ]

Leave Out All The Rest
-Linkin Park, Minutes to Midnight

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'cause no else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me
I want you to know

CHORUS
When my time comes
Forget the wrong what I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
When you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me
I want you to know

CHORUS

Forgetting
All the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

CHORUS

Forgetting
All the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

I think the song is really powerful. It's not a typical Linkin Park song, not comparable to any song on their older albums "Hybrid Theory" or "Meteora". It's more thoughtful and reflecting in a way. Still, it deals with a thought every human has to face at least once in life: Do the things I do really matter? Am I living my life to the fullest? Or am I wasting it?
Please don't get this wrong, it's not that I am depressed right now (even though I failed my last exam, but that's not the point here^^), but I can't stop thinking about one thing: Do I matter at all? Am I of influence to others? And will people remember me as a good person if I am gone one day? Some may say that this should not be of my concern. But I believe that in a way it should be our concern. The fact that we give birth to children, the fact that we educate them, that we share our values with them - everything has the goal to keep our motives, emotions going. We're not only passing on our genes, but our ideals, the things we love, we hate. We influence our children - and this way we give proof to others and ourselves that we were of influence, that we mattered.
Oh my, I am loosing track right now XD. Still, I think I could make my point: We should live our lifes with the goal to leave something good behind - or we would've failed in a way. The song did not make me realize that - but expressed my mood right now. That's why I wanted to share this ^^.

@ BeautifulExperience: I know you will find yourself reminded of a discussion we had a while back: Are we part of a grand plan and do we matter as an individual being? I know we had our differences, but I wanted to add this journal into the discussion. Yes, we do matter. Maybe not as the individuals we believe to be, but we give our genes and memes to the next generation. Therefore, we take influence in things - that's why we matter.



Again, a presentation of my favourite artists here:

1.my absolute favourite artist here didn't change, he still is brilliant:
alexiuss.deviantart.com/ Alexiuss

2.a very talented photographer:
zardo.deviantart.com/ Zardo

3.is a newcomer, I love his texts – most of them are German, though.
beautifulexperience.deviantart… BeautifulExperience

4.I stumbled over her gallery by accident, but she is such a great artist:
ravenskar.deviantart.com/ Ravenskar
  my current wallpaper is her own character Raven, ravenskar.deviantart.com/art/R…, awesome picture!

5.my best friend here:
ambraluna.deviantart.com/ AmbraLuna

6.and last but not least hiliuyun, who is really amazing: hiliuyun.deviantart.com/


Besides, I mentioned World of Warcraft a few times during my last journal-entries: I am aware of the fact that most people here will play on American/Asian servers, but for those playing on European servers: The upcoming Ulduar-Patch (WotLK 3.1.) will include the possibility to talk to people from other servers within the same realmpool and as far as I know even from other countries (I am not sure about this, though!). That's why I will add my server and my ingame-nicknames to this journal:
EU-GER-Realm Destromath
Mimiru (lvl. 80) protection-paladin
Jowy (lvl. 80) beastmaster-hunter
Valeriya (lvl. 26) shadow-priest